Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
