At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
