You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
