Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
