last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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