Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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