I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
