Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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