Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just had sex on a roof
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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