oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
