do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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