Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
