The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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