The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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