She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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