you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just found puke in my bra..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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