Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
