end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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