I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
