i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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