it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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