Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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