i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
