taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
