she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
