i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
