im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
