This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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