yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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