2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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