doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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