need another drink. this is the easiest way
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Everything about him screamed your future.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize