my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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