is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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