Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
