I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
