I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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