I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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