i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
