Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize