Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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