so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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