if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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