ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
