I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
