you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
