I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
