you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
