i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just made my gag reflex go away.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize