I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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