I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
