I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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