what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
