we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
