i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
