so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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