Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
