i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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