he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize