Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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