I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
