I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
