Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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