If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
