I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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