saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
