How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
