So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
