You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize