I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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