Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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