no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
