im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So vagazzling was a success
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
