Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
