WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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