If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
