I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
