Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
