Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize