Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
