i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
