Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
