I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
