I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
