I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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