I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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